Concept 1: Erotic Power Negotiation
Understanding about some elementary concepts of erotic power exchange is safety tip Number 1. If you understand negotiation, safe words and the difference between inequality and in equivalence, you have taken the first steps on the safety ladder. But there is more to it. These concepts will also be your footholds in sometimes confusing times and situations.
Especially if you have been around on the Internet a little longer, you have probably seen the credo “There are no SOP’s (standard operating procedures) when it comes to erotic power exchange”. Read on…
We have a different take on that. Of course every personal situation is different and people make their own, individual choices. They should! But, that doesn’t mean a few basics should not always be there, in every BDSM situation. Ignoring these frequently gets people in trouble – as well as confuses them, especially those, who are new to erotic power exchange.
So yes, we think there are such SOP’s and people should stick to them. In a highly individual and often confusing world people need footholds. Here they are:
Concept 1: Erotic Power Exchange Common Sense
It may sound weird, but unfortunately, some people enter into erotic power exchange and sometimes seem to forget they have it. Common sense will answer most of your questions. A scene may be heavy and sweep your feet off the ground. Still, although you may lose your head, don’t lose your brain in the process.
This is especially true BEFORE you enter into anything. One major problem – mainly due to the lack of education – is the fact that the erotic power exchange world is crowded with self-appointed experts, many of which will tell you they know what they are doing and especially if you are a novice – but it DOES happen to people with more experience as well – you may be inclined to believe them, simply because you are overwhelmed by the situation, the emotions and many other things. As soon as someone throws anything like “trust me….” at you, you are likely to be heading for trouble. And it is not just dominants doing that. The number of submissives who overestimate their own ability and the situation – or mix up fantasy and reality – is countless and quite a few doms – under the impression the sub knew about what he/she was proposing to do – got themselves in trouble as well.
It is true that it is not always easy to separate idiots from knowledgeable people and information from nonsense, since nonsense can often sound very reasonable. Which is why we like you to question everything. Your personal credo should best be: Trust But Verify or – as others like to put it – In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash. Meaning that there is nothing wrong with questioning what you are being told and forming your own opinion.
Sometimes this may require personal (maybe even physical) experimenting. For this reason experienced people will tell you that test sessions can be very useful. If you are unsure, try a test session, i.e. without the power dimensions and as a form of laboratory. For example, if both you have little or no experience with caning (each other), try one or two test strokes and see what happens – not as punishment, not as active play, just to get a feel (in more than one sense of the word) for what this is about.
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