Humor: The Good News Is, He’s the Best Lover She’s Ever Had. The Bad News…
Judging by the number of articles there are dedicated to the subject of how men can become “the best lover she’s ever had,” Calico figures this must be a major concern for the menfolk.
While most of the advice she’s been able to find on the topic comes in the form of relatively short bullet point lists of tips, reasonably short blog posts, or brief self-help videos, it seems like there hasn’t been much discussion of the simplest, most guaranteed means of assuring a man is the best lover his lady has ever had.
So, what’s the secret? Is there a video how-to series dedicated to it? Is it legal in all 50 states?
The key, as it turns out, is in seeking a particular kind of woman, not being a specific sort of man. And it’s so simple, so automatic, no man can fail — so long as he does find the right sort of woman.
Don’t despair fellas, because Calico helpfully spills the beans on this mystery that apparently befuddles so many of you straight dudes in her new post, “The Good News Is, He’s the Best Lover She’s Ever Had. The Bad News…”
by Calico Rudasill, Sssh.com Indie Adult Movies for Women and Couples
When it comes to getting tips on being “the best lover a woman has ever had,” men who have Google at their disposal aren’t short on options in terms of where they get their suggestions.
If you’re the sort of fellow who wants women to come away from your encounter “calling up their girlfriends the next morning saying ‘Girl, I hope you’re sitting down. Cause you’re not going to believe what happened to me last night,’ evidently a site called “SoSauve” has the information you seek.
If you’d rather take your cues from a female sex coach, there’s at least one such coach who has shared “how to be the best lover she’s ever had.” On the other hand set of genitalia, you can turn to someone calling himself “Dr. Nerdlove” – who isn’t just a dating coach, but also an “internationally recognized blogger.”
Hell, you can even get lists of “seven secrets” or “nine hints” on being the best lover she’s ever had from the same source! How handy is that, guys?
Of course, there’s another, arguably simpler way to become the best lover a woman has ever had – and it’s one that doesn’t require a sex coach, memorizing tips from a list – or even being an especially adept lover, for that matter.
Tell Me More, Calico!
I suspect for a lot of men, it comes as welcome news that they don’t have to retain a sex coach, read the work of an internationally recognized blogger or refer to more than one list of tips to become the best lover a woman has ever had.
So, what’s the secret? That’s easy – simply find a woman for whom you are the only lover she’s ever had. If you achieve that goal, then by definition, you will instantly become the best lover that completely inexperienced woman has ever had!
Take this “Anonymous” woman who contributed a short piece for The Guardian, for example. She notes that the she “first had sex aged 30, with my husband, on our honeymoon.”
While she doesn’t really get into the details, Anonymous does explain that ever since she married her hubby, they’ve “enjoyed a loving, intimate, fun sex life.”
“It’s changed over the years, but remains a source of great pleasure and trust,” Anonymous adds.
I don’t know about you, fellas, but that sounds pretty good to me. If I were a straight dude in search of a straight woman who would regard him as a fantastic lover with whom to enjoy great pleasure and trust, I’d want to find a woman like Anonymous.
There is one catch, though, at least for all you non-Christians out there – in that it sure sounds like the best place to meet an Anonymous is at church.
But What if Jesus Thinks We Should “See Other People?”
“Twelve years later, I have chosen to express myself sexually only with him,” Anonymous adds. “I’m a Christian, and I believe that Jesus loves us by giving himself to us unconditionally. By replicating that kind of love in my sex life, I am growing to understand God’s love more.”
That’s a very nice sentiment, no doubt. But here’s the thing, Anonymous: I’m not sure that giving yourself unconditionally to Jesus is something the “Big J” truly reciprocates.
I mean, you’ve read that “Footprints in the Sand” poem (or inspirational poster, or coffee mug, or whatever), right? Call me overly suspicious, but I figure there are few things more romantic than being carried back to your beach house by some handsome, bearded, possibly literally luminous fellow wearing a flowing robe and sandals, so I’m betting the intimacy in that situation doesn’t end at the front step of the cabin, if you catch my drift.
Come to Think of it, That’s Kind of a Lot to Live Up To
The other problem with dating someone like Anonymous is that once you know her first true love was Jesus, it puts a lot of pressure on a man to live up to that standard, even if her relationship with Jesus never included any lovemaking.
Let’s be frank here, a lot of men struggle to make Kool Aid, let alone turn water into wine without relying on assistance from their friends Ernest and Julio. And don’t get me started on the whole walking on water thing; even Michael freaking Phelps can’t do that!
You know, on second thought, maybe guys should just stick to reading tips from sex coaches and internationally recognized bloggers. At least those people won’t recommend trying to come back from the dead to impress your date.
