A handy guide to learn about and keep track of all of those terms in BDSM culture and practice.
Age Play
Role-playing the persona of someone substantially younger (or sometimes older) than your actual age.
Animal Games
A form a role-playing in which one person pretends to be some kind of animal – often a dog, sometimes a horse.
Assertive Fantasies
A “code phrase” sometimes found in personal ads to indicate dominant interests.
BDSM
Is short for bondage and discipline (BD), domination and submission (DS), and sadomasochistic play (SM) between responsible and consenting adults; just as consent separates sex from rape, so to does consent separate BDSM from abuse.
BDSM Positive
Regarding consensual BDSM play as a good form of sexuality.
BDSM Virgin
Somebody inexperienced and/or naive about BDSM
Blue
A safe word often used to indicate “Please, no more of THAT particular activity”
Body-fluid Monogamy
A safer-sex practice in which an HIV-negative, non-monogamous couple agrees to practice safer sex when playing with other partners.
Bondage
Physical Materials applied to a submissive to restrain their ability to move and/or to otherwise restrict them.
Bottom
A slang term for submissive and/or masochist
Bottom Space
The psychological “head space” or attitude of being submissive.
Brown Showers
The act of one person defecating on another in an erotic context
Burning Hands Syndrome
An unintended burning sensation of the hands that sometimes results after play using menthol-containing creams without wearing latex gloves.
Caning
Using a relatively long, thin, flexible rod to whip someone. The rod is usually made of supple, varnished rattan. Caning is often more damaging than a novice might expect. Novices should be careful.
Cat
Cat-O-nine tails
Cinch Loop
A bondage technique in which coils of rope, or other bondage material, are wound between wrists after they have already been encircled by other bondage material. Cinch loops can closely regulate tightness.
Clean
Has no sexually transmitted diseases
CBT
“Sweetly tormenting” the male genitals
Consensual
An activity done with the consent of adults competent to give that consent. One of the the central features of BDSM play
Counting Games
Rituals engaged in during whipping, or during other forms of flagellation, in which the submissive is required to keep count of the number of strokes delivered, often thanking the dominant after each one and asking for more.
Crop
Riding crop
Cross Dresser
One who dresses in the clothing of the other gender.
Deal Breaker
A point on which players are so far out of agreement as to prevent their playing together.
Discipline
Training by dominant in how they wish their submissive to behave. Also, the punishment and correction administered by the dominant when the submissive fails to act in the proper manner.
Do-Me Queen
A “submissive” who is more interested in what the dominant can do for and to them, than in what they can do for the dominant.
Dominant
One who enjoys assuming control. One who decides what happens and when. A dominant may or may not be sadistic.
Dominatrix
A female Dominant
Erotic Power
A somewhat genteel term for BDSM
“Feel last, feet first”
A safety slogan used during bondage. People standing with their feet tied together are in an unstable position. This is therefore minimized during play.
Fisting
The practice of inserting the entire hand into the vagina or anus. This practice takes time, training and special equipment. Can be fatal if tried without expert instruction.
Flagellation
The general act of the dominant striking the submissive, usually in an erotic context. Includes spanking, paddling and whipping.
Forbidden Zone
The abdominal area containing the kidneys, liver, spleen and other organs vulnerable to serious, even life-threatening, damage from a whipping. Runs all the way around the body and from the hip crests to the xiphoid process.(the angle felt at the front of the rib cage)
Gender Play
Play in which one or both partners assume the role of the opposite sex.
Goddess Worship
A worshipping of divine, feminine images and of women as manifestations of “the Goddess”
Going Under
Entering a submissive “head space”. Assuming a submissive attitude.
Golden Shower
The act of one person urinating on another as an erotic activity
Gorean
Dominant/submissive interests as portrayed by the “Gor” novels by John Norman. Sometimes used as a “code word” in personal ads.
Go Under
A slang term meaning to assume the submissive role.
Heavy
A somewhat imprecise slang term meaning extreme. Example: “I’m not into heavy pain”. Note well: what is heavy to one player may not be heavy to another.
Humiliation
Activities which cause the submissive to feel shame, embarrassment, or degradation. Varies widely from person to person.
I’ll call out, You call in
A safety slogan used to verify phone numbers and location when playing with a new partner.
Infantilism
An extreme form of age play in which one person assumes the role of an infant.
In Role
Assuming a dominant or submissive attitude during play.
In a Scene
Engaging in BDSM play.
In the Scene
A person in the BDSM community
Kamikaze
A submissive who deliberately seeks out possibly dangerous practices or partners. This type of person is not particularly respected within the BDSM community.
Key word
An alternate term for a safe word
Masochismo
Pride felt by a submissive or masochist regarding how much pain or other heavy play they can take.
Masochist
Loosely defined within the BDSM community as a person who specifically enjoys receiving pain. It is distinctly possible for a person to be masochistic without being submissive, and to be submissive without being masochistic.
Master
A term for a male dominant. Often used as a term of address.
Master/Slave Relationship
An ongoing BDSM relationship in which the slave is submissive to a male dominant.
Mistress
A term for a female dominant.
Mistress/Slave Relationship
An ongoing BDSM relationship in which the slave is submissive to a female dominant.
Neck Snap
The involuntary, reflexive act of a submissive snapping back their head and neck after being struck a strong blow on their back or buttocks. Can cause serious injury unless prevented or minimized.
Negotiate
To discuss (and agree) on the details of what will and will not be dome during a specific BDSM session
Nipple Torment
Singling out the nipples for particular attention, usually with clamps, fingernails, teeth and other fun items.
Nod
A nodding of the head by the submissive. Usually used to indicate that they are willing to receive the next whip stroke or other “bit” of pain.
Nonconsensual
Anything done by one person to another without their agreement.
Novice
A person just beginning to learn about and explore BDSM.
“Now”
A verbal signal used by a submissive to indicate that they are willing to receive the next whip stroke or other “bit” of pain.
One to Ten
A way for the submissive to indicate the intensity of the whipstroke or other pain they are ready to receive.
Orange
A safe word sometimes used to indicate “Let’s rest for a while”
Paddling
The striking of the submissive, usually on the buttocks, with a flat, rigid instrument, such as a hair brush or actual paddle.
Pervert
An BDSM person. Often used as a term of affectionate recognition within the BDSM community.
Pain Slut
A slang term for a masochist.
Poignant Sensations
A term used by the Marqis de Sade to describe pain. Gave rise to numerous jokes within the BDSM community along the lines of, “well, of course I’m not into pain, but I really love receiving poignant sensations.
Play
To engage in BDSM. Also a term referring to a particular activity, i.e. nipple play.
Playroom
A room especially set up for BDSM play. Often equipped with eyebolts, slings, whipping posts, blackout lights, mirrors and so forth.
Pushing Limits
BDSM play designed to take the submissive right to the edge of what they can stand, and then coax them into going just a little further.
Red
A safe word indicating “stop completely and immediately”. Calling “red” is a serious matter, and not to be done lightly.
Restraints
Bondage devices, usually made of leather
Rimming
A slang term for analingus
Sadist
As loosely defined with the BDSM community, a person who specifically enjoys administering pain.
Sadomasochism
A rather vague term referring generally to fantasies and experiences regarding the introduction of domination, submission, bondage, sadism, masochism, humiliation, and related activities into erotic play.
Safe Word
A specific word or other signal used, by prior agreement, to indicate that things are “really” becoming to intense for the person.
Scene
A slang term for an BDSM encounter.
Session
A slang term for an BDSM encounter.
Scat
A slang term for feces
Silent Alarm
A danger signal that requires no effort to activate. For example, if an “I’m all right” phone call is NOT made by a certain time, the “silent alarm partner” is to assume their friend is in very serious trouble.
Silent Alarm Partner
The person who “backs up” the person meeting with a new partner.
Slave
A person who has an on-going, structured relationship with a dominant. One who assumes the submissive role, often in a highly developed and committed way to a particular person.
Spanking
Striking the buttocks, usually with a bare, or gloved hand. Striking the buttocks with an object such as a board specially made for the purpose is more properly called “paddling”
Straight
From this perspective, usually refers to someone uninterested or unknowledgeable about BDSM.
Submissive
One who yield control. One who obeys orders and may permit themselves to be bound or “tortured”.
Thud/Sting
Terms used to describe the sensation of a flagellation instrument.
Top
A slang term for a dominant and/or sadist
Top’s Disease
A unwarranted attitude of superiority taken by a dominant
Top Drop
Feelings of guilt, depression, and so forth that sometimes come up for a dominant after BDSM play.
Topping from the bottom
Attempting to control the session while ostensible in the submissive (non-controlling) role. A type of behavior generally frowned upon.
Top Space
A dominant attitude or “head space”
Torture
Somewhat loosely defined. Generally refers to erotic pain administered by means other than flagellation.
Two Squeezes
A “squeeze signal” between players used to non-verbally signal that “I’m alright”
Vanilla
Non-BDSM. Conventional sex is often referred to as vanilla sex.
Verbal Abuse
A form of erotic play that involves calling the submissive names, insulting them, and so forth.
Water Sports
Sexual activity involving urine and/or enemas
Whipping
Erotic pain administered by the use of relatively flexible instruments to strike the submissive’s body. Commonly used whipping instruments include the cat-o-nine tails, riding crop, and flexible cane.
Worship
To adore the personage of the dominant. Often combined with performing some service to the dominant’s body such as massaging or kissing their feet, painting their toe nails or brushing their hair. Explicitly sexual activity, such as performing oral sex on the dominant, may or may not be a part of such play.
Wrapping
The unintentional delivering of a whip stroke in a manner that causes the tips to land on the side of the body rather than the front or back. Wrapping often leaves marks and is often a sign of a lack of skill on the dominant’s part.
Yellow
A safe word often used to indicate “lighten up” or “let’s stop or slow down for awhile”
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